Confessions of the Clinically Depressed
by wildparadise
Summary: The day Ariana Dumbledore dies, Albus enters her room for the first time. He finds her diary and starts to read. She takes him on a journey of depression and despair. I suck at summaries. Please R&R :  This is my best fanfic :


**Confessions of the Clinically Depressed **

**May 21, 1990 **

As Albus Dumbledore opened the door of her room a wave of mixed emotions consumed him. He took a step into her room; he had never entered it before. The walls were covered in morbid drawings, pictures of Death and suicide; they seemed to dominate the walls of her room. They demonstrated her emotions and thoughts which were warped and twisted beyond any kind of magical repair. Albus shuttered and closed his eyes. Three hours ago she had been killed. By whom he did not know. No one knew. Spells were soaring in every direction; and she just happened to be in the midst of it all.

'Ariana' he whispered softly. A single tear rolled down his cheek; he didn't bother to wipe it away. Albus opened his eyes and walked around her room slowly trying to memorize every single little detail, he walked to her desk. On her desk was a journal. It was tattered and covered in her drawings of melancholic insanity, that very few could understand the gist of. Curiosity overwhelmed him. He pointed his wand at the journal.

'Alohamora' He whispered softly. The journal unlocked. He opened it and came across the date of their mother's death. He began to read. Right away he recognized Ariana's thin slant handwriting; as it was identical to his own.

_November 18, 1899 _

_The spirit world, imagined as peaceful. A time in which one might live in a Utopia, called Heaven. It is what we all hope for. Mum deserved to go there. The only place I'm justified to go is the inmost, obscurest, most disturbed depths of Hell. The Empire ruled by Satan is the only place that will accept me in the afterlife, even though I secretly long for Heaven; my hopes are in vain._

'That's not true.' Albus told himself. If only she were still here so he could tell her those words. Albus only then noticed a small trail of tears rolling down his cheeks and falling onto the pages of Ariana's diary.

_November 23, 1899_

_Hitherto I was Aberforths main priority, he cared for me we bonded in a way that only a brother and sister under such extreme circumstances could. Aberforth is the only one who can calm me during my extemporaneous rages of magical discharge. If only he were here when I lashed at mum; she might have then survived. She was frail and depressed; she was the victim of my spontaneous explosion. My family's life had been turned upside-down because of me. I am the reason this family, or what's left of it, has suffered and will continue anguishing until the day I die. The disorder caused by three muggle teenaged boys who inflicted such emotional and physical pain on me that I became magically impaired. They did the unspeakable: rape, just because I couldn't show them how I levitated the flower. Like any non-muggle child I couldn't control the magic that was coming out of me. Now it's beyond any kind of control. Dad assassinated them which landed him in Azkaban. He shouldn't have done that it was excessive and did no one any good. Vengeance, no matter how tantalizing it may be, is never the solution._

_ January 21, 1900_

_Albus has returned and Aberforth has left. The only reason he left was because Albus insists he completes his Hogwarts education. Albus must despise me because he has so much potential, but because of me he's just a closeted prodigy now. He tries to make the most of it. He tells me 'Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.' I don't believe when he says I am the treasure; all I am is an affliction to everyone. I wish I were dead! When I finally die Albus and Aberforth will be free of me and my insanity._

Albus whimpered silently, fearful to read on; he did nonetheless.

_ April 15, 1900_

_I didn't think Albus's humanity would last long; now he has found an equal: Gellert Grindelwald. They spend most of their time shut up in Albus's room debating 'The Greater Good' it's been Albus's only importance since he met __**him**__. I only feel two emotions grief and isolation. With my razor in hand, I take my self away to a promised land. I stare into the mirror and let myself cry; to feel the emotions that pass me by. My sobs are drowned out; by my shrieking psychotic mirth. The scars on my wrists are profound and so magically inflicted that they will never diminish._

Tears were now cascading down Albus's cheeks. She was gone and it was his fault. Remorse was breaking his heart into pieces. From that moment he knew 'For the Greater Good' was not precise. From that moment he knew he was going to destroy Grindelwald and his philosophies. Grindelwald had fled a mere three hours ago. Aberforth had been telling the truth, everything he yelled at him had been exact: Albus was not able to seek the Hallows with Ariana in tow and conquering muggles that was not at all for 'The Greater Good' Albus was too engrossed in his own perverse, power hungry mind to notice the truth which lay before his eyes.

_May 12, 1900 _

_I am twisted and broken beyond repair. My mind grieves from the shame of what I am: 'A Hopeless Cause' is what some would call it. I am plummeting into a hole of depression that is impossible to get out of. Mum isn't here to comfort me and neither is Aberforth. Albus doesn't seem to care anymore so I can't look towards him for security because all I am is an encumbrance. In my mind I've already succumbed to Death, now all that's left is to wait patiently for Satan to consume me and take me with him to his asylum; where my impaired soul will live eternally with others similar to my-own. Even if it may be Hell it's got to be better than this life. Heaven was never, and is never going to be an alternative for a damaged soul like mine. _

'Ariana' Albus managed to choke out through his tears 'I'm so sorry.' Remorse swallowed him whole. Compunction altered who he was. Temptation brought abysmal things.

'To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. Good luck Ariana.' He whispered sympathetically.

**Authors Note:** The characters are not mine, but are from the brilliant mind J.K Rowling. Two quotes are also hers:

'Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.'

'To the well-organized mind death is but the next greatest adventure'

No copywrite of **any** kind is intended. I am just another extreme fanatic of the Harry Potter Series.

P.S I am NOT in any way suicidal. This is just how I picture Ariana Dumbledore.


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